When I was a little youths, I wanted to dance into the danger because I thought it would be a fierce and awesome and fierce thing to do. I wanted to dance into the danger with people like this.
Isn’t it neat how a lot of people today look at this pic of Poison and say ‘zomg, drag queens!’ and then they look at a more recent pic of Poison and they say ‘zomg, old lesbians!’
Anyway, in the big bad world of free stuff, a certain Frank Delaney is doing a podcast every week on James Joyce’s teenyweeny booklet called Ulysses. Frank Delaney says he may even go sentence by sentence if he has to because he thinks the book is that awesome. Frank Delaney will probably be podcasting this for a very long time. So far, he has told us how Joyce did a lot of “multi-tasking in prose” and how each sentence often carried more than one meaning. Isn’t that neat? That is neat. Also, this podcast of Huckleberry Finn and this podcast of The Awakening by Kate Chopin are the rare and happy event that happens when the text and the reading make you feel like you’re listening to something that can’t possibly be free because free stuff is usually crappy and these podcasts are not crappy.
Sometimes one comes across peeps that think rape is cultural. You know, like how all Indians are hard-working and love to dance, how all Moroccans are charming and friendly and all Americans are…American. Along with these very impressive and effective labels, people also like to include rape as a cultural thang and you can read about that here. If indeed rape is a cultural thang, then that is probably all the more reason to not do anything about it because it’s very bad to criticize aspects of another culture because that’s just racist. ZOMG, did I just talk about rape again on this blog? Oh snap, so feministy! Luckily I’m not a guy or this whole para would have made me ‘gay’.
Anyway, one of the really great things about racism jail is that it teaches us to find the commonalities among the differences of our equalities. I was able to see this when I realized that there are so many samenesses existing between Rebbie Jackson’s Centipede video and Tamil movie songs from a specific era which is not very specific because that style sometimes persists today and sometimes it doesn’t. You can watch the Rebbie Jackson video in the below given underneath.
By contrasting and comparisoning, I was able to find the unity in the diversity between these two equally opposite genres. Unfortunately, I was also able to find the differences which is why I am still in racism jail.
Why Rebbie Jackson’s ‘Centipede’ Video Is Like a Tamil Movie Song
• It starts with “the museum’s most treasured masterpiece”, which looks like something that I could have painted, which just reflects so incredibly badly on said painting. This is broadly similar to but not the same as this one Tamil movie I saw where they kept plutonium in a cupboard. This cupboard was locked though and that made everything really safe and not radioactive or anything. Just as Rebbie Jackson’s Centipede forces us to question what kind of museum would call that painting a masterpiece, Tamil cinema makes us wonder why plutonium looks like lightbulbs sometimes.
• Rebbie Jackson’s video is just like Tamil movie song in that they are both essentially about a brown woman in a shiny dress dancing with lots of feeling with men in suits. In Tamil movie song, these men are called sideys. In Rebbie Jackson video, these men are called gay men. If this was a Tamil movie, this woman would later be slapped by the hero or raped by the villain for cavorting with men in this overtly western fashion. It is heartening to note that while the hero and villain are totally not bros, they both have the woman’s best interests at heart.
• Rebbie Jackson has lightning shooting out of different parts of her body. It makes you want to do the same dance moves to see if lightning will shoot out of your body parts. This does not happen in real life and that is sad. In Tamil movie, lightning shooting out of dancing woman’s body parts means that dancing woman is goddess in disguise and she is possibly dancing into the danger but that’s ok because she’s a goddess so danger isn’t that big a deal to her.
• Rebbie Jackson sometimes has ethnically exotic dance-into-the-danger markings on her forehead. In Tamil movie, this is called ‘caste mark’ and it is so much a part of our Indian culture. In Rebbie Jackson video, it looks like what is known as “biologicals” which is what happens when those CSI dudes get their black lights out and pan motel beds to see who has been messy when they had teh sexeh.
• In Tamil movie song, it is difficult for me to understand if the sideyback singers are saying ‘lalalala’ or ‘yayayaya’ or ‘nya-nya-nya-nya’ or ‘wawawawa’. In Rebbie Jackson video, it is hard for me to understand if the sideyback singers are saying ‘psychopede’ or ‘cycle peed’.
• Rebbie Jackson video has a tiger in it. The tiger walks down the stairs like it doesn’t really want to be involved in what is going on and it also walks down the hall in a crooked manner and sometimes it also looks cross-eyed. The tiger feels sad because there is no actual mention of a tiger in the lyrics which is kind of like inviting that one white person to your party so you can tell everyone, I got white people coming to my party but maybe the white person feels bad later because it soon becomes clear that they are only there for bling value (or as much bling value as a sunburnt, recovering-from-food-poisoning white person can have ). Also, nobody will really want to talk to the white person because everyone will be scared that they will get AIDS if they do. Anyway, in Tamil movie, tiger is usually from extremely yellowed documentary footage that is so yellowed you can’t really see the tiger anymore. This does not stop the Tamil movie from using said footage again and again and again to underline and reiterate the awesomeness of said tiger. Unlike Rebbie Jackson video, tiger is always mentioned because the lyrics and dialogue always tell us the Tamil hero is like tiger. Sometimes he is like tiger, lion, elephant and also young child with beard all at the same time.
• Rebbie Jackson video has a cobra in it that swings back and forth like it is headbanging. It has white lightning coming out of its eyes and in this way, it is similar to the dancing woman. Maybe they are brothersister. The combination of headbanging movement and white lightning is symbolic of dancing into the danger. In Tamil movie song, headbanging cobra is a sign that god is very angry and someone will be dancing into the danger very soon but not in a fabulous way like the Rebbie Jackson cobra. • In Tamil movie song lyrics, sometimes we like to compare the girl to a turkey-chicken noodle. I’m not even sure what that is. What is a turkey-chicken? Why would you call a girl a noodle? Who can say? Other certain movie song lyrics have the guy telling the girl that her hormones are like harmoniums and also something about ‘A’ vitamins. I’m not kidding. Rebbie Jackson song lyrics effuse this same awesomeness. For instance,
“but when the centipede is hot”
As someone who has been unfortunate enough to encounter centipedes on many occasions, can I just say you don’t want those motherfuckers to be hot and you don’t want to touch them and you don’t want them to touch you. However, she may be referring to parts of her body or the other person’s body as a centipede, in which case I don’t think you should be touching that either, especially if it is hot because maybe they are having fever. In general I feel one should avoid touching things that resemble centipedes. This is a glaring example of centipede racism.
“Like you crawled into the bathroom window, To give him all your love”
You’d have to be pretty fucking haut to get me to climb through a bathroom window. Also, if a veryveryvery haut man crawled though my bathroom window, they would have a long drop before falling face first into the business end of a very old “eastern” toilet. So I’m not sure that would work for me either.
“Just like a centipede you’ve got, A lot of lovin’ to touch”
DON’T TOUCH CENTIPEDES! I can’t stress this enough! Don’t touch them! You don’t want their love! That is evil insect love!
• Rebbie Jackson’s video has an “English” room and we can tell it’s English because it has a pool table, sofa and paintings on the wall. Also the pockets of the pool table seem to be backed up with water, which makes them like toilets and that’s gross. Anyway, in Tamil movie, bad people who speak English live in houses like this. In Rebbie Jackson’s video, gay men and headbanging cobras live in houses like this. There is also a large, winding staircase. This is only there for dancing purposes. In this aspect, Rebbie Jackson video is exactly the same as a Tamil movie song.
Why Rebbie Jackson’s Centipede video is not like a Tamil Movie Song
• There is no dog, monkey or elephant which is “dancing” because they love all the awesome humans and they are happy so they are “dancing” and they aren’t ill-treated or malnourished or anything. They are not dancing into the danger.
• No excessive use of bongo drums
• No “tribal” women shaking their boobies
• No “tribal” men shaking their boobies
• No dancing in garden and Switzerland
• No villain doing various nefarious activities in a very obvious way. And by obvious I mean doing nefarious activities while wearing a large, flashing neon sign that says HAI!! I AM THE VILLAIN AND I AM DOING VARIOUS NEFARIOUS ACTIVITIES IN A VERY OBVIOUS WAY!!!
As if this blog post wasn’t long enuff, I now bombard you with more music.
I Pity The Fool by Molly Lewis, specifically because she rhymed ‘commuter bus’ with ‘uterus’, it has awesome kazoo solo and the end of this clip features The Neverending Story remix.
Tightrope by Janelle Monáe and Sound of Kuduro by Buraka Som Sistema specifically because of the awesome dancing into the danger which you may try to do yourself and you may hurt yourself also. This is the price we pay for dancing into the danger.
And in honor of certain companies that have been fucking us all up our various orifices when we clearly did not want to be fucked, Corporate Cannibal by Grace Jones.