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  • Writer's pictureKuzhali Manickavel

for somebody who don’t drive i’ve been all around the world

Updated: Aug 5, 2020

The title of this blog post is something that I often feel applies very well to myself but I think very many people, even the gents, are probably feeling the same except maybe some gents haven’t had the pleasure of hearing someone tell them that they’ve done alright for a girl. The title of this blog post also comes from this song and was covered awesomely by The Dollyrots, Rasputina and The Wurzels who get extra points for making the song about combine harvesters.

Speaking of combine harvesters, how cool is the Munni Badnaam remix from Dabangg! That has nothing to do with combine harvesters but whatever, how cool, no? It just makes you want to shake that uterus. If you don’t have a uterus, it makes you wish you had a uterus so you could just shake it to this song. And how slightly somewhat was it to see Sallu dancing in that slightly somewhat manner? I feel I am not alone in thinking this because there were these other guys in the song who were looking at him like ‘Dude, that’s not cool’ but of course in a very North Indian staged villagey kind of way. Sallu does this one step when they sing ‘Yeh Hindustan hui’ that made me go Oh My God, what is he doing? He does rawk the tight police uniform but then again, so do Surya and Vikram and they can dance without making you suddenly say Oh My God, what is he doing? Also, it is hard to have haut feelings for someone who shoots endangered animals and allegedly runs over poor people allegedly. Anyway, this song will probably cease to be uterus-shaking and start to be annoying by next week. Oh whale.

I like UbuWeb because it has lots of things to read and listen to and it’s FREE! Canst thou deny the beauty of a free thing? No, thou canst not. Anyway, one of the neat things they have is a neat list of neat things that are ‘Unpublishable’ for whatever neat reasons. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are ‘bad’, which I think is an important thing to remember along with its corollary that publishable things aren’t necessarily ‘good’. If I had my own publication station or something, I would have totally totally published this.

Disturbing Things In Our Daily Lives

A very personable person I know is currently in residence in one of those things we like to call ‘ancestral houses’. And like most ancestral homes, it has weird things in it that make you say where did this come from? Why is it here? Why am I looking at this? This is a photograph of one of those things.

When I phust saw this I thought, oh my God, kill it with fire. Then I thought this is the most Indian thing ever. There is no cow, no woman in sari carrying pot on head, no arranged marriage and no slumdawg children. And yet this is so endearingly Indian that it tugs at our heart parts and makes us say wow, that’s the most awesomely Indian thing ever. What makes it awesomely Indian? Nay, we cannot speak of it for it cannot be contained by mere words. For can we speak of the love we sometimes have for posters of Chinese babies although we don’t generally like the Chinese? No. I mean Nay. It is like that Chinese baby poster love only. There are no words for it and even if there were, it would be so embarrassing also. I now list the four great Awesomes which make Awesome Notebook cover Awesome.

Awesome # 1- The girl is holding a rose. Not jasmine flower. Not sidey Indian country rose which many of us have eaten in our youth. She is holding what is known as ‘costly English rose’. Granted that in this picture, said rose looks like some kind of cannibalistic plant that is hoping to feed on both these children in the near future but it’s supposed to be a costly English rose and we all know that. Not only that, the whole cover is ‘rose color’.

Awesome # 2- Both boy and girl are wearing shoes. The girl proves she is more awesomer by wearing socks AND shoes. AT THE SAME TIME!! Why this is awesome means just like it is not easy to scale Mt Everest, it is not easy to wear fullsocksandshoes in a tropical country. In fact, in my current corner of the country, where it is often hot and humid and dusty and hot and hot, you generally want to steer clear of people who wear socks and shoes because they are a) crazy, b), their feet smell reallyreallyreally bad and c) in cognizance of point b), the rest of the body has probably staged a coup against the feet because said smelliness just makes all body parts look bad and this coup will cause said feet to fall off suddenly and without one ahead warning also. This may be fun to watch but you should not be around when that happens because it will smell reallyreallyreally bad. Anyway. Awesome.

Awesome # 3- The boy is touching the girl’s shoulder and the girl is…I don’t really know what she’s doing. She’s trying to pick his nose. This kind of touching, while flabbergasting in a creepy and confusing kind of way, is totes ok because they’re just kids and they’re at that age where we can’t really tell if it’s a boy or a girl anyway. But it must be noted that this touchingtouching would totally NOT be ok if these two were adults, particularly because they are wearing western dress, particularly the girl. This touchingtouching in adults may be ok if they were wearing traditional clothing (and by they I mean the woman only) and if they were married. Still, we cannot deny that manwoman touchingtouching is not a part of Indian culture. That’s interesting when you consider how often this country makes babies. So naturally some touchingtouching is happening somewhere.

Interestingly enough, two adult mans or two adult womens presented in this touchingtouching manner would be ok, not because we are cool with homosexuality but rather because two mans touching means that a man and a woman are NOT touching. So it’s a preventive kind of thing. Also homosexuality doesn’t exist here and is an American thing like Coca Cola. All very awesome.

Awesome #4- Some bewildered looking foreign dog is looking at both of them, possibly because it is bewildered at the fact that the girl seems to be trying to pick the boy’s nose. Or maybe it feels bad because it is the only entity not wearing any shoes. I was thinking how neat it would be if the packs of Indian street dogs were made up of little powderpuff doggehs like this. That would be neat but possibly also more dangerous and scary for all of us in the end.

And now, some musics.

Ice Cream Truck by Cazwell– Very haut men with no shirts, in very states of underwearness eating ice cream and shaking their bootay. This bootay shaking is of such serious proportions that Youtube asks that you prove you are 18 to watch this video because it will make you gay, especially if you like ice cream.

Fuck Shit Stack by Reggie Watts– I love everything about this song and video but perhaps the best thing is the use of the word fickityfuck.

Drugs by RATATAT– This is how stock pictures are taken. Everything is awkward and terrible. We are all going to die and it is going to hurt when it happens. I bet you that some AmericanIndieLit writer out there has a short story collection called We are all going to die and it is going to hurt when it happens.

Drakes Remix of Get Out Of Your Mind by Lil Jon and LMFAO– Lil Jon scares some people. Is it because he is black or because he is Lil Jon? Maybe it’s because he is both.



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