You know how there’s these groups on Facebook that say JOIN ONLY IF YOU REALLY LOVE INDIA AND ARE TRUE SON OF BHARAT MATA and the allcaps scare you and stuff so you hesitate to join and then all these peeps are like ‘wtf, why didn’t you join the group you fucking terrorist.’ So then you poke around the group a little and you find comments like ‘kashmir belongs to india all muslims should remember this is HINDUstan’ and ‘clearly this aruna roy female is lesbian for opposing jan lokpal’. And so you’re like ‘um, no don’t want’ and peeps are like ‘JOIN THIS GROUP OR I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE’ and you start sobbing and saying ‘Gawd I don’t want to die’ and they’re like ‘JOIN THIS GROUP OR I’M UNFRIENDING/UNFOLLOWING YOU ON ALL SOCIAL NETWORKING PLATFORMS AND I WILL TELL EVERYONE WHAT A BAD INDIAN YOU ARE JAI HIND’ and you become fearful for your life and stuff?
So anywaiz, I’d like to share some of the highlights that made AnnaHazareIssue really neato for me. Because that’s EXACTLY what this country needs right now, another AnnaHazareIssue blog post. So here it is, My List of Salient Features which made AnnaHazareIssue Salient For Myself
1. It made Bipasha Basu say this in Twitter- ‘Ppl’s outcry under Anna’s guidance should not go deaf.The govt has to reach a dialogue and show that they are sentimental towards the ppl.’
2. Illustrious acquaintance received illustrious sms requesting us to show support for AnnaHazareIssue by turning off all lights. IN THE DAYTIME YOUGAIZ!!111 How can anyone see you are showing support if you turn off the lights in the daytime when there’s like fullsun happening in the sky and stuff? What about all those people who are just turning off lights because it’s daytime and they are actually not in support of AnnaHazareIssue and simply they are acting in misleading manner? Wtf yougaiz. Anyway, the real question is, did I do this? Was I a good Indian? And the answer is…um…..HELLZ YEAH!!111
3. There were times when one looked at the supporters of this anti-corruption movement and one said ‘YAY JAI HIND YAY NO CORRUPTION YAY PRETTEH CELEBRITIES YAY LOOK IT’S…wait, what? WTF are they doing there? I thought this was ANTI corruption movement. WTF YOUGAIZ!!111’. This is where I would have liked to say something about a certain illustrious individual with a ponytail but I’m scared of being sued yougaiz.
4. When people call you Anti Indian for not supporting AnnaHazareIssue, it sometimes sounds like they are calling you Aunty Indian. That is like so weird and confusing, especially when you see gentsfellow being called Aunty Indian.
5. Despite the fact that a number of people wrote articles “against Anna”, it was Arundhati Roy who once again wins the You Make Me So Mad I Want To Eat My Face award for making an alarming number of our populace like so mad yougaiz. Granted, she has a bit of an advantage since hating on Ms. Roy is one of our favourite national pastimes. I think so it is only rivalled by playing carroms and enjoying the casual consumption of roasted groundnuts and other various pulses. Also I think many people were getting Aruna Roy and Arundhati Roy mixed up here but since peeps be hatin’ on both it weren’t really no thang ya’ll.
6. Sometimes you know what would happen? A stupid person would say ‘I don’t know about this yougaiz…’ to a group of rabid AnnaHazareIssue supporters. And said stupid person was immediately requested to provide a “better plan”. And because stupid person did not have A Better Plan To Get Rid Of Corruption In India in their pockets, they were requested to shut up their mouths jai hind. Sometimes they were also told to ‘go back to Pakistan’ which is very dated but lolzworthy nonetheless.
7. Voicing criticism of the AnnaHazareIssue apparently meant you loved corruption because it’s like SO. HAUT. Conversely, supporting AnnaHazareIssue meant you loved India and were incorruptible and hated corruption even though you have indulged in corruption activities but you couldn’t help that because India is like that only. I think it’s like those love songs where the lyrics are like ‘I hate myself for loving you but I can’t help loving you because I love you but I hate myself for loving you.’ Or something.
8. The Gandhi cap made a comeback yougaiz!
9. Fasting made a comeback! Even though Irom Sharmila has been fasting for about ten years now, it took this kerfuffle to make fasting haut enough for certain illustrious and informative sites to write about how fasting is good for health and will make you sexy apart from being an effective tool of democracy.
10. I thought I knew all about corruption because I’ve had to pay bribes yougaiz and it was like so unfair and totes hurt my feelings. Then while actually reading about corruption and all this other stuff, I decided the whole thing was too complicated and I was like wtf WAY easier to just turn those lights off in the daytime, no? Yes.
And now, I would like to end this by saying why yes! This IS yet another uninformed, negative and useless nonsense blog post written by yet another elitist, English female blogger who knows nothing about the Real India, nothing about the issues at hand and only knows how to sit in front of computer and criticize one of India’s greatest movements against corruption. Still, I feel like this shouldn’t stop you from buying my book or buying my echapbook. Ideally, you could buy both. Also, I just remembered that I actually wanted to write about porn and instead I wrote blog post about Aunty Indian filled with lustysexual feelings about the corruption. Maybe that’s like porn in a way.