Pimpage Department
Hai Everybody! Did you know that at one point, Nithyananda was trending along with Justin Bieber? Anyway, I want to say that I have one number story called Flying and Falling, which first appeared in the most excellent publication Shimmer and is also in my collection Insects are Just Like You and Me Except Some of Them have Wings and is also included in the Best American Fantasy 3 anthology, which just arrived by the awesome postman to my corner of the world. I think maybe some of you are thinking, why she is in the Best American Fantasy book? She is not American. This is so true. And yet, there I am along with Stephen King and a lot of other people who have superimpressive bios.
Other People’s Pimpage Department
Have you bought the book Daylight Robbery by Surender Mohan Pathak yet? No? Why? But why? Why haven’t you bought it yet? Is it because you don’t have trick playing cards? Don’t afraid baby! When you buy a copy of Daylight Robbery, you get free trick playing cards also, which is really neat. So buying the book solves your trick playing cards dilemma and also gives you a book to read that people have read and enjoyed like anything. Have you bought it yet? No? Why? But why? Why haven’t you bought it yet? Is it because you don’t have playing cards?
I Am Having Doubt Department
Is Savitha Bhabhi really a symbol of women’s empowerment? Does that mean that when you watch porn where a gay or a disabled person is brought in for the express purpose of fucking everything “because they want to” so that other people can get off you are actually empowering the gays and the disabled? More importantly, does this mean that when you watch unicorn porn, you are empowering unicorns?
Why isn’t Wilbur Sargunaraj more famous?
What will they do when they are finished blaming rape, sexual harassment and sexual molestation on women’s clothing? Will they blame our footwear? Will they say that women who wear bathroom chappals are “asking for it”?
Why is it that when South Indian movie heroes wear something weird they are being stupid and South Indian but when a hip-hop dude wears something weird they are being badass?
Why is it ok for you to name your pets after “this like Hindu God thing” but it’s not ok for me to name my dog Jesus?
Why is it that on the Youtube Videos Being Watched Now section, there is always someone watching clips called Aunty Fully Oil Navel Hot Raping Underage Servant Girl BoobSlutSari that are 7 seconds long? How many of these 7 second clips do you have to watch to get off?
Why do some Indians living in India in our present time write like they live in a Charles Dickens novel? Why do they use words like ‘egad!’ and ‘I care tuppence’? Do they actually say these words when they talk? Like if they get walloped in their soft parts, do they say ‘Oh egad I care tuppence!’
Why is ration sugar sometimes yellow? Are people peeing in the ration sugar?
I am not going to ask why your story is about a Muslim Village of No Good Horrible Very Bad Things where all the girls get raped and raped and raped and raped and raped and everyone speaks some foreign Muslim language which makes them sound like they all have massive brain injuries because hey, that’s just how those crazy foreigners talk, right? I am not going to ask about this because people write this kind of stuff all the time, possibly because they believe that the chances of someone calling them on their bullshit are very slim to nil. This is why so many craptastic stories about “foreigners” get published. However. I do want to know why you would say that legions of white peacocks flooded the skies each dawn and alighted on everyone’s front lawns in the Muslim Village of No Good Horrible Very Bad Things. Legions of white peacocks? LEGIONS? FRONT LAWNS? WTF, are you on drugs? Is this sci-fi? Are you on drugs?
Why are poor people in India referred to as the ‘Real India’? Does that mean non-poor India is this conglomerate of unreal magic people? That’s actually kind of awesome.
Why would you claim to be a magazine interested in seeing more of us awesome, exotic international writers but you will only accept postal submissions? Why will you not accept carrier pigeons? Or the Pony Express? Or smoke signals?
Musics Department
Now that summer is coming to burn us all to death, let us welcome it with awesome retro disco hits from the bygone yesteryears of the nostalgic memories of the olden days.
Tamil Retro Hit- Mappillaiku Maaman Manasu
This song is awesome because it has two Rajinis, the house looks like a cake you might dream about when gripped by the delirious fevers, there is a random girl doing Bharathnatyam around everybody and P. Susheela is singing with full feeling. This song should be covered by The Leningrad Cowboys and Otep Shamaya.
Hindi Retro Hit- Oowee Oowee
This song is awesome because it has a man with a pipe in it but he’s not beating on any women, there is a girl whacking herself in the face with a rose and it’s hard not to sing along and feel like everything is awesome possibly because Zoheb Hassan is singing with full feeling. This song should be covered by Lady Gaga and Kid Sister.
okbai.