These Are The Daves I Know I Know- Ellen Parker
Updated: Aug 4, 2020
Today’s Dave is Ellen Parker who I like to call Allen and who is a writer and also the editor of the amazing zine FRiGG, which began way back in the spring of 2003 and is still here in all its awesomeness. Behold the FRiGG! Dig the bloodshotedness of the pretty eye!
Allen is also from the exotic land of America! America is where everyone is rich and happy and the streets are paved with marshmallows and Coca Cola grows on trees!
FRiGG was one of the first zines I ever fell in love with. FRiGG will also be putting out a themed issue very soon on …world peace? Poverty? Injuns are Just Like You and Me Except Most of Them Have Funny Names? NO! It’s going to be on the show Law and Order! I think more magazines should have themes like this.
I remember this one episode of Murphy Brown, where there was this guy from Minnesota and he had a wife called Ellen and 2 boys and whenever he referred to that segment of his family he called them Ellen and The Boys only I guess because he was from Minnesota he kept saying Allen and The Boys. If Ellen Parker ever starts a boy band, I think she should call it Allen and The Boys. I also think there was an 80’s country band called Bailie and The Boys. There was also a band from India called Les Boys. Anyway.
km- So you and I have 142 common friends (update-146) on Facebook, which means we’re superduper close friends. And yet I do not know why you named your magazine FRiGG. Did you really want to name it fuck?
ap- It makes me feel kind of bad that you think the magazine is named “fuck.”
(km- I’m sorry. I don’t know why I even thought that because you never use the eff word ever.)
This is hideously crass–and yet it is partially correct. Yes, to some people, “frigg” means “fuck.” To others, “Frigg” is a Norse goddess. She was the wife of Odin–in fact, she was the goddess of marriage, and her primary domain was the household … but she allegedly had affairs with several men besides the hubby. Sassy! (So, “frigg” could also mean a married Norse goddess who … well.) Whereas “frigg” doesn’t only mean “fuck,” you’re probably not the first person to think so. Sometimes I see bios of writers who have been in FRiGG but they don’t include FRiGG among their publications, and this hurts my feelings a little, but then I think: Well, bitch, why would they want to include “fuck” among their list of publications? Although I have heard of a print poetry magazine named “Fuck.” A poet who was in FRiGG a while back told me that he’d also appeared in Fuck. I’m like, There’s a magazine named Fuck? And he was like, Yeah, it’s a good mag. So now that writer can list FRiGG and Fuck in his creds. I’m sure he’s proud.
km- So what’s life like in America? No, I’m kidding. No seriously, what’s life like in America?
ap- Today in America I am freakin’ sizzling mad that bankers might have given themselves large bonuses for their “work” in 2009. This absolutely makes me go ballistic and I want to rise up and slice off some people’s heads.
(km- I don’t understand, why aren’t you talking about the Coca Cola trees?)
km- In an interview you did in 2006, you said that if you had to describe FRiGG in one word, it would be ‘good’. Is that how you would describe FRiGG today? How do you think FRiGG has changed since then?
ap- FRiGG is still “good.” Sometimes it is “very good.” Sometimes it is even “excellent”! Depends on your mood.
km- How would you describe Allen the writer in five words? They don’t have to be English words also. And you can make up words if you like.
ap- I love that you call me Allen! I would describe her (me) as a writer like this: “She is not ever disinterested.” Wait–that’s a double negative, which is confusing. How about: “She is always very interested.” Hmmm. More like: “She is always very engaged.” What’s the point of writing if you’re not engaged? (Why do we keep talking about marriage?)
km- Whenever I get rejected by a magazine, I like to blame it on racism or xenophobia. What do you like to blame rejection on?
ap- I like to blame rejection on the fact that some editors do not know how to fucking read. (km- oh nice, illiteracy)
km- Please complete this little micro so I can send it out under the name KuzhaliEllen ManickavelParker and maybe finally get pubbed in elimae.
Coffee mornings hang in thick strands, curling around the heart like a long word that starts with ‘z’ and ends with ‘a’. It’s been three days since anything has happened here. It’s been the best three days ever.
ap- Coffee mornings hang in thick strands, curling around the heart like a long word that starts with ‘z’ and ends with ‘a’. It’s been three days since anything has happened here. It’s been the best three days ever. I am trying to think of a long word that starts with “z” and ends with “a.” There is “zebra,” but this is not long. Unless it’s a zebra that is made out of rubber and then stretched like Gumby!
(km- so I decided to edit this a bit, you know really hone it down to the absolute crystal core, the ultimate being, the universal spark that makes this microfiction a living, breathing entity. So here it is,
coffee mornings. the best three days ever. gumby.
I took out the exclamation mark because I think muted tragedy is far more effective. I now believe it is too good for elimae and I will sub it under my own name because I did all the real work and all you really did was add Gumby, which I’m not really sure works but I kept it in anyway because I felt sorry for you.)
km- According to the ‘In what BADASS way will you TOP YOURSELF’? quiz, your result was that YOU WILL CUT YOUR OWN FLUNKING HEAD OFF IN FRONT OF A SCHOOL BUS. How do you see that happening and what are your feelings about the word ‘flunking’ being used as an expletive?
ap- Ohmigod, I love BADASS quizzes. They are the FUNNIEST ever. But I think Facebook banned them. Or else they made them use euphemisms for swear words. Like using “frigg” instead of “fuck.” But this fools no one! So “flunking” is like “fucking” or “frigging.” It’s funny that they thought I would cut my own head off in front of a school bus. I forget why they thought I would do this. Actually, I would like to cut off bankers’ heads in front of a school bus. A school bus full of American taxpayers. We would clap and cheer.
(km- Allen wanted to reiterate the following,)
Bio: Ellen Parker writes fiction and edits the online literary magazine called FRiGG, which is named for a goddess. A goddess, I tell you!
(km- here’s how I see the whole cutting off your own head thing happening. You are walking down the road paved with marshmallows and you have a chainsaw in your hand because you are going to cut some Coca Cola trees. And then you see this bunch of American bankers who are standing in front of a school bus that is filled with American taxpayers and you cut the bankers’ heads off and everyone goes Yay Allen!! but they also say you have to go to jail because you made the marshmallow road dirty. And being unable to bear the thought of jail because maybe you’ve watched Oz and so you know all about what jails are really like, you take the chainsaw and cut your head off to avoid going to Oz where everyone eats oranges.)