This sticker is controversial because it has the word ‘reading’ in it. Reading is very controversial and will probably get you into way more trouble than sexy will. I thought of what reading and sexy have in common.
1. People will say you are a bad person because you read too much, have too much sexy, don’t read enough or don’t have enough sexy.
2. Reading and sexy can get you in real big trouble because people like to get upset over what other people read and who they have sexy with. This is especially unfortunate when the people who are upset have big guns.
3. Reading too much will make you go blind and crazy. Having too much sexy will make you go blind and crazy.
You Can’t Take It With You When You Go
Deepa D recently posted about a mass email that was sent out by the police department of a university after a student was sexually assaulted. She also linked to an essay on rape culture which I think you should read even though it will probably make you feel bad. The mass email listed a number of precautionary measures that I didn’t really notice the fuckwittery of because like all good Indian women, I already know a sexual assault is my fault even before it happens so precautionary measures are very important because they might save me and if they don’t, that’s just because I’m a woman and it’s all my fault. Among the interesting things the precautionary measures suggests is to ‘Carry minimal amounts of valuables’. Which is indeed sound and very fine advice if you’re dealing with thieflets. Rapists are after a different set of “valuables” altogether, which I guess means us ladies should leave our very valuable boobies and vajayjays at home before going out. And I say ladies because this only applies to women because only women get raped, silly. Also only women have boobies. This is not true. Some men also have boobies but I have a strong feeling these boobies are not considered “valuables”. I believe that ‘minimal amounts of valuables’ means we should consider going out with one boobie, which could essentially mean the difference between a rape and a raperape. Because we all know there’s a huge difference between rape and raperape.
Does anyone know what rape really means anyway? It’s an uncomfortable question to ask because talking about rape is such a bummer. I think the general understanding is that ‘rape’ is a very badass, irreverent word to use because it has something to do with fucking and violence and it’s all very exciting like a movie and who doesn’t love a good movie! Using the word over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again will hopefully make people think that you are all about fucking and violence and you are very exciting like a movie and who doesn’t love a good movie! Does it matter that rape is a violent sexual crime but for some reason, people seem to be focusing a lot on the ‘sexual’ part and not so much on the ‘violent’ and ‘crime’ part? Isn’t it a drag when chick bloggers talk about rape?
And Now. For Something Completely Different. Tarvusim– Specifically because it is everything. And it is nothing. It is. And it isn’t. It’s SO easy to join. It’s so EASY to JOIN. Hebbo!
Jellyfish– Specifically because of jelly fish and jellyfish. There’s a difference. If you don’t know the difference you will die.
Malk– Specifically for ‘You’re going to shoot me if I shoot myself? That doesn’t make any sense!’ and ‘You’re like a brother to me! Your hand is like a brother to me!’ LOSTCats– Specifically for ‘Dude’, ‘You all everybody’ and ‘My Baby!’ Awesome– Specifically because it has the words awesome and unicorns in it. It also has the word fucking in it. Fucking is such a badbad werd but nobody really knows why. Fecking is not such a bad word. Fycking does not have anything to do with knives or Iceland but I feel like it should.