This blog title is brought to you by the song Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town. Take control of the future of your future by not supporting Crazy Asian Wars and Crazy Asians. So, did you hear about that white dude from New Zealand who did the most adorably poopoo-peepee racist shenanigans on TV because of Sheila Dikshit’s name and then he got suspended or something? Which is like SO unfair and is clearly just another instance of white dude persecution. Because, let’s be hon

The KKK are so mean, you guys. Not only are they racist, they apparently steal babies also. This is such a widespread problem in America that the Ramones sang a song about it and then Clawfinger covered it which I guess means the problem of baby-snatching white supremacists has spilled over into Scandinavia. Also, my chapbook called Three Scenarios Leading to the Rape of a Teenage Girl in the Tropicool Icy-land Urban Indian Slum is available from mud luscious press and they o

Phustly, we have the results of the Kumari Loves A Monster Come On Repeatty Repeatty Contest. Here’s what the judges had to say about the entries in general. "This has been very very tough. All the entries have been yenna maadri cannot tell! Justin Beiber’s in the well. Are you in the same well too? Laddos comma Raj Bhog just for you! Greatest fun to read and re-read and re-read all entries. Thanks very much for contributing and participating." Rashmi and ShyamAnd now we all

The ‘hello yellow ladies’ part of the blog post title comes from a Vivek comedy routine but I can’t remember which movie but it was the funniest thing ever and I often derived amusement from greeting people in this manner. Some of them would actually say ‘ohai my frahnds!’ back and lo! you knew you had found kindred spirits or perhaps you’d just come across peepal hanging out with a lot of alcohol but that too is kindred spirits so it’s all good. The Kumari Loves A Monster Co

What makes M.I.A so interesting? Is it because she is, according to Wikipedia, a “songwriter, record producer, singer, rapper, fashion designer, visual artist, and political activist”? Is it because her real name is Mathangi “Maya” Arulpragasam, a name we don’t usually associate with international songwriter-record producer-singer-rapper-fashion designer-visual artist-political activists? No! The most interesting thing about M.I.A is that she often has a ruinous effect on peo

The title of this blog post is something that I often feel applies very well to myself but I think very many people, even the gents, are probably feeling the same except maybe some gents haven’t had the pleasure of hearing someone tell them that they’ve done alright for a girl. The title of this blog post also comes from this song and was covered awesomely by The Dollyrots, Rasputina and The Wurzels who get extra points for making the song about combine harvesters. Speaking o

This blog title is stolen from the song My Rollercoaster by Kimya Dawson. When I first heard this line, I was like, oh my god that is such a womantic and dweamy thing to say. And then I thought, actually that is such a disturbing thing to say. Because it’s one thing to tell a manperson, manperson you are the greatest man of my life. It’s quite another thing if said manperson says I’ll be the greatest man of your life, like you don’t actually get any say in the matter and it i

Holla back if ya’ll remember this Shwetha Shetty blahstu from the pahstu! Also holla back if you remember Suchitra Krishnamoorthi! Holla back for Sharon Prabhakar! Parvati Khan! Rock Machine! Holla back if you read the word ‘holla’ and think it is a Punjabi word! Holla back for all the peeps who refer to bhangra as Sikh dancing! And now, All The Indians Of The Indias, Please Aware! What is this Madness मंडळी? Madness मंडळी is a maha mash-up of creative minds each of whom exp

Many years ago, when I was a little youth, our local librarian said she would give a free sticker to any kid who told her a good joke. This is a riddle that one kid told her. Q- Why was the man blind? A- Because he had no eyes. That kid got a sticker. I think maybe she should have got two stickers. I don’t know why I still remember this riddle. Anyway, I have a story in the new issue of Pratilipi called Six Things We Found During the Autopsy. Sometimes when I watch shows like

American publications often carry well-informed and just all-round really great articles about Injun people as a whole. This is because as with people from many countries, Injuns are best understood as a conglomerate of individuals who are essentially all the same. In this way, Injuns and people from other non-American countries are kind of like the Borg. The Huffington Post recently carried a piece on how to date an Injun, which I can only hope will serve as a cultural guide

When I was a little youths, I wanted to dance into the danger because I thought it would be a fierce and awesome and fierce thing to do. I wanted to dance into the danger with people like this. Isn’t it neat how a lot of people today look at this pic of Poison and say ‘zomg, drag queens!’ and then they look at a more recent pic of Poison and they say ‘zomg, old lesbians!’ Anyway, in the big bad world of free stuff, a certain Frank Delaney is doing a podcast every week on Jame

This sticker is controversial because it has the word ‘reading’ in it. Reading is very controversial and will probably get you into way more trouble than sexy will. I thought of what reading and sexy have in common. 1. People will say you are a bad person because you read too much, have too much sexy, don’t read enough or don’t have enough sexy. 2. Reading and sexy can get you in real big trouble because people like to get upset over what other people read and who they have s

This is a picture of when we all of us at the racism jail were taken out for a celebration excursion and we all turned black and white and into mans also. Why we are enjoying like anything means we are celebrating the fact that my story Everyone Does Integral Calculus is a sparkly shiny sparklysparkly in the sparkly pantheon of the sparkly Wigleaf Top 50 Very Short Fictions of 2010 sparkly sparkly sparkly. The selecting editor was Brian Evenson. I don’t really know who he is

Do you know where black Africa is? It’s between orange Africa and chartreuse Africa. It is often confused with brown India and yellow China, which are both very colorful countries. That isn’t really what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the steamed rice cake. I do not know what a steamed rice cake is. That’s not really a big deal- only recently I learned what a fajita was and I was also immensely disappointed to learn about the Garibaldi biscuit. These are just a fe

If I ever write a novel about three generations of an Indian family ripped asunder, thrown together and ripped asunder again by love, lust, freedom struggle/partition, brain drain, intercaste marriage, interracial marriage, no marriage, yes marriage, sometimes marriage, greed and other stuff, I will name this novel All These Bitches Is My Sons. The cover of this novel will have a mango that has mehndi hands and inside these mehndi hands will be a large Indian wedding with Ind

Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, fireballs in the sky and unknown objects from other galaxies sending out mysterious radio waves, possibly because they want to get into our planet’s pants. It is so clear that the world as we know it will probably end by next week. So now is the perfect time to take out those stories that are not working in one gender and make them into one another gender so those one another people will love and accept you. What is this gender? Well what I ca

It’s that time of year again, where we are overwhelmed and assaulted with prickly heat and power cuts and murderous jealous rage at people who have air conditioners while we neatly disregard the fact that at least we are not outside dying of heatstroke. Just a reminder to my Injun peeps to drink lots of water because when there is no water and you are dying of dehydration, at least you can find comfort in the fact that you drank as much water as you could when there was water

1. Look at a piece of flash fiction. Do not read it, just look at it. It may be anywhere from 6 to 999 words long. Decide that anything that short must be supereasy to write because if it takes years and years and years to write a novel, it probably takes 17.5 seconds to write flash fiction. Decide to write some flash fiction the next time you have 17.5 seconds to spare. 2. After discovering that some American publications pay for flash fiction, decide to embark on a lucrativ

Can we talk about Mayawati’s Massive Money Mala? Can we talk about how that is the most ultimately blinged out thing ever ever? Can we talk about how now, when other countries talk about how poor India is, we can say hey, do people in YOUR country get massive garlands made out of 1000 rupee notes? No? Then YOU must be living in the poor country, stupidhead! And can we talk about how awesome Lady Gaga’s Telephone video is? Wouldn’t it have been even more awesome if she had gon

Dear Muslim Village of No Good Horrible Very Bad Things With Legions of White Peacocks, I thought I should apologize for calling you out and saying you were WTF and possibly drug-induced. I thought this discussion had something to do with it but then I realized it didn’t. I thought about apologizing because this discussion reminded me of the incredibly thick smear of people I have argued, debated and discussed this issue with over the past six years. So let me be very clear,